last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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