So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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