Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
