I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
