That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
