Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my poor anus
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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