a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
