Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
