I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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