the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
