its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
