oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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