We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it glows. i had to have it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
