Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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