Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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