k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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