I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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