Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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