Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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