When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
