do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
