I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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