i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
