I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
