I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
