hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
