just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
