So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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