just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
