wat bout pragnant strippers??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
home. puking in laundry basket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
