ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think my moral compass just broke
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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