I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
