I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize