was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
