I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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