Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
