3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
