Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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