if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
