i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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