I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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