textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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