At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
