porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
