We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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