and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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