Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize