This girl is more easily done than said...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
