I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
