k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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