Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
