and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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