Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
