Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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