So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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