just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
