So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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