I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
