I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
