I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize