it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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