If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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