I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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