I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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