omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
True strength comes from lack of pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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