I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize