____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
