Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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