he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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