When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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