don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
