i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
