In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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