So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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